Monday, July 21, 2008

The soothsayer's tale

The catastrophe finally happened. The soothsayer knew it was coming, the impending gloom had warned him much ,much before.It's as if the elements just came together for a second and whispered into his ear what would happen.

The cyclone came and struck, leaving him half dead in the process. But at least he was still alive for some more time. He muttered a silent prayer to Kibza, the God of Protection. There was still hope in the face of all opposition. That's what keeps me alive, he thought. Hope. Funny four letter word isn't it ? Even when it seems apparent that nothing can save the situation, there is always this hope to look forward to.

As far as he remembered,he could always predict things in advance. There were always the few instances when he was way off target, but otherwise his sixth sense was far more developed than other people. It was disturbing at times, but he never told anyone what he knew would happen.... It was his gift, it was his curse. And he had no time for fools who would come to him asking for details about the future. He couldn't do that, only sense what was about to happen. And more often than not his doomsday prophesies came true. He lay tossing in bed every night wondering if at times he willed these things to happen by thinking about them, by worrying about them.

The six suns of Chroma were shining more brightly than usual when the cyclone hit. On his planet, cyclones were not an unusual event. But this one was different. The soothsayer had created this particular cyclone from a part of his heart. He didn't care that part of his soul would be torn to create it. The desire to play God was too strong. He had thought that he would get happiness by creating something so powerful, so strong, so magnificent.

When it struck him, he was surprisingly calm and composed. When a part of you tries to destroy you, you don't feel any sadness. Just a bit confused as to why it had to happen. And a pain that refuses to go away.The soothsayer just stood in the middle of the destruction feeling his life ebb away from him.

The gods seemed to mock him from above, taking sadistic pleasure to see a man humbled like this ! The soothsayer smiled to himself. The gods have their own whims and fancies, he thought. The cyclone has taken my life,but I still have some time left. I may lose the battle in the process, but this time I know I did not give up without trying my best.

The soothsayer never really realised what had gone wrong the first time he tried his hand at this thing. But then, intergalactic phenomena were never his strong point. This time with the cyclone he had acted with clockwork precision,fully knowing it would try to destroy him. But it was a mad hope that this time he wouldn't be wrong. This time the gods would be with him. Funny thing is that he still had that hope alive as strongly as ever.

The soothsayer looked up at the sky. There was no trace of the cyclone. Maybe this is what hurt the soothsayer the most.It had just vanished from his life after striking him down,leaving the shards inside to ensure that he bled continuously from time to time. He had exposed too much of his soul to the cyclone, it knew very well that internally the soothsayer was as frail as he appeared strong on the outside. So when it struck, it made sure that even though the physical wounds would heal, the internal ones would keep tormenting the soothsayer till his miserable life ebbed away from the pain.

Some stars sprang to life as the sixth sun completed it's revolution. The soothsayer dropped to the ground as his legs gave way. The shards are reaching the brain he thought. Just a few seconds more. He gathered up all the strength he had remaining and prayed his last prayer to Kibza. As his brain exploded, he smiled as he saw the cyclone glimmering away in the distance.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

The neem poem

Salim bola oh my love, have i done any sin ?
tell me how ur heart i can forever win
Anarkali ne salim ko bola "arre sun zalim!'
mere liye leke aa tu bahut saara neem

bangalore mein baithi hain chosnee neem wali
address hain bhootni villa, neemwaali ki gali
this neem will make me ekdum beauty queen
in this way my idiot prince my heart u can win

Salim went to Bengaluru heart very very happy
but after meeting chosnee he wanted to wear a nappy
for dear miss ratterjee was in a mood very crappy
she told salim to get out in a tone very very snappy

i am stuck in a land so strange where i only get rasam
and you dare come to me because of ur stupid kasam ?
i dont care if anarkali turns into terrible maa kaali
i'm not giving my precious neem for ur gharwaali

salim pleaded and salim cried but chosnee remained mean
didnt salim know that rosh just loooves her neem ?
so give up hope for your stupid aspiring beauty queen
chosnee will leave the Himalayas but she will never leave her neem

The Luvly poem

Now that you have become my bride,
Let me go on a mush overdrive,
Tu begum mein tera jahapana,
Only for you is my gaana :-

Jab bhi mein jaata hoon gym,
Sochta hoon only about Luvlean,
75 laps on the tread mill ,
Thinking abt Luvs who stole my dil,

Koi aur usko dekhey to bana jealousy mein green,
Oh I love you my Luvlean ,
Please don't ever lose your sheen,
My luvly lady of my dreams,

Sun re my Lovely Luvly,
I'm your darling hubby,
You are so very lubly,
I don't need to drink any bubbly,

Just thinking of you gives me a high,
Luvs hain to whiskey kyun piyoon mein bhai ??


Now that you have become my groom,
Thinking of you my dil goes Vrrooom ,
My man Lovaboy so fit and strong,
Just like Tarzan wearing a thong,
Pesh karti hoon mein tere liye yeh song :-

Mere ghar aaya tu as cool as Cokka cola ,
dekhte hi tujhey mera dil bola,
this is my knight in armour shining,
Jis ke liye sadiyo se I was pining,
Oh my sexy Lovaboy,
I wanna make you my play toy,

Karenge eksaath exercise everyday at the gym ,
Cut the carbs,ignore the rice and go for a swim,
Treadmill pein humdono chalengey saath saath,
Log bolenge Luvlean mein hain kuch khaas baat,
Lovaboy jaisa munda, jo pahley tha ek goonda,
Ban gaya Luvs ke pyar mein ekdum goonga

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Rambling in the rain...

I didn't really have a reason to walk to office yesterday in nearly waist high dirty water, but I thought that it would be a crazy thing to do, and I really had'nt been upto any crazy act for a long long time!(Getting drunk and sending rude messages once in a while is not to be counted out here!) Anyways... here's the link in case any of you want to check out what it is like walking down Mumbai's roads when they get flooded.

It's been quite a while since I chose to get drenched on my own accord. Last time, if I remember correctly, was many, many months back near the Gateway of India where I got totally drenched, had some awesome bhutta and actually enjoyed the experience for a change!(getting drenched in the rain I mean... I've nothing against having bhutta. Which reminds me that that was the last time I had bhutta actually!)

I remember the time when I was in class XI,some of us got the idea that we have to celebrate Aishwarya's birthday by having Coke (I am obviously referring to the cold drink out here!) It was raining like crazy, and the mission was tough, but we were determined in our goal. We (four or five morons who were sad enough to be infatuated by Ms Rai at that point of time in our lives) braved our way through water logged streets and mean vehicles determined to splash as much water as possible as they crossed us, survived the impact of millions of bullet like raindrops that never ceased in their velocity and reached a shop selling the drink that the goddess advertised. (Before you get the idea that Coke was a rare commodity in Kolkata and could only be found in a few shops out there , let me add that part of our deal was to walk through the rain in order to prove our devotion! ) The entire journey was worth it just to see the look on the faces of the shopkeeper and general junta around as we took our bottles and started singing Happy Birthday at the top of our voices!

Pune was heaven when it rained. It was magical sitting at the Pagoda on Fergusson Tekdi (a hill at the boundary of my college) watching the rains wash away the grime off the thousands of trees below us and paint them in brilliant shades of green, shivering away to glory as we shared a solitary cigarette and laughing our heads off thinking of the unfortunate ass who lost his foothold on the slippery rocks and went tumbling down some distance! It was sheer delight biking down the roads in Pune when it drizzled slightly. I had this (in)famous flourescent orange wind cheater in college that was bright enough to ensure I could be spotted from nearly two miles away. (which was precisely the reason my parents made me buy the thing ...It was supposed to reflect light in the dark or some shit like that!. To give it credit, it did help scare away any vehicle coming from the opposite side of the road in the middle of the night !

I joined IMA in Jan '04, when winter was just about starting in full fledge in that part of the country. For a second imagine that it's a typical Delhi winter, and the only thing you are wearing is a thin cotton vest, a shirt, a pair of trousers, and one ordinary sweater. O.k... now replace yourself with Gentleman Cadet Sritanu Chakrabarti, D/36335, Jr Coy, Ma Bn, 116 Regular. Since you are not allowed to wear civvies in the army, replace your shirt and trousers with a pair of olive green dungarees. Throw away that sweater, add a cap to your head and wear combat boots. No wollen inners/woolen socks/thick vests allowed. (nearly all of us tried wearing them surreptitiously the first few days... always got caught by the seniors, got rogered first thing in the morning, and then were sent off for the day's training ahead...came back, and again got rogered for messing up in the morning) To make things fun, one person fucking up by breaking rules (in this case by wearing clothing that was not regulation) , meant that the entire first termers in a particular company got rogered. We fell into line within the first few days itself, better brave the cold than face the wrath of the seniors !

Anyways... so there we were in our dungarees, wearing them everywhere as our Olive Green uniforms were yet to be issued. We were issued three- four pairs of dungarees, so that the pair that got drenched due to sweat by the time you returned to your room, could be left to dry/given for a wash , and you would wear another one the following day. Things were going fine until it suddenly started raining in Dehradun one fine day. My first reaction to the rains when I woke up in that particular morning was 'Rainy Day ... no training today!' Then realisation crept in that it did'nt matter whether it was rain or sun....training would continue as same as ever. Only difference would be that the temperture had drastically dropped a few degrees lower. Riding on your bicycle on mountainous terrain (you always move about in IMA in squads of four or six ,either on your bicycle or you march. If you are unlucky enough to be the odd numbered guy after a squad is made, run all the way to wherever you are going. Walking is something you don't dare do unless you are an officer or a third termer!) in that biting cold ,amidst the rain was tough. Your body got so numb, you could hardly feel anything. And at 4.30 A.M in the morning, the combined effect of the mist and the rain meant that you could hardly see where you were going! Come rain, come shine, the GC has to reach on time. Being late means all your coursemates get fucked by the instructor because of you !

It rained incessantly day in ,day out for about a week. By the third day, I was out of dungarees. Two had gone for washing, two pairs were wet. Have you ever tried wearing dripping wet clothes first thing on a winter morning, then gone out in the rain and got drenched for the whole day ? Try repeating this schedule for about four days in a row. Surprisingly, none of us fell sick or anything. By the end of it, we were so toughened up, that we knew that the first step towards becoming a soldier was taken. We were weather immune to some extent at least.It all seems like a dream today as I look in the mirror and see a fat slob staring back at me! (O.K... resolution made yet again to start exercising and get back in shape from tomorrow!)

Well... rambled on quite a bit I guess. :) I'll go back to my pensieve now and revisit IMA for some time. It's funny, that after all these years, the army is still the only thing that I have been ever passionate about from the bottom of my heart! More from me later...till then Jai Hind! :)