Friday, December 05, 2008

Feeling Lost in a City Under Siege

It’s been a long day at work and you just need to unwind by having a couple of beers with your friend from college who is in town. He wants to go to Leopold’s, the popular pub at Colaba. You think about the beef chili out there for a moment, then refuse to yield to temptation. For some reason you don’t want to travel today. You meet him at a sports bar close to the office and have a great time talking about old times and catching up with each other’s lives. Your friend is in a touristy mood and wants to go to Marine Drive after you are done with the drinks. You turn down the offer again. Somehow, you are feeling too lethargic for words tonight. You decide to take a cab back home, even though a train would have been much faster and much more economical.

The roads are surprisingly empty at that point of time. It’s just 10 p.m., and usually Mumbai traffic is at its peak at this time. You don’t give it another thought. You will get to reach home in 30 minutes today instead of the usual one and a half hours it takes. A friend calls up from Bangalore to inform me that there have apparently been shootouts at Leo’s. A gang war or something, he says. You tell him how you would have been there at this time but decided not to go. Another call from Delhi comes just as you are about to reach home. There’s been a bomb blast at Ville Parle. A cab was blown up at a traffic junction. Alarm bells start ringing in your mind. You were in that very spot just 15 minutes ago.

Phone calls start coming in from friends and family members all over the country to find out if you are safe. There’s been multiple terrorist attacks at various places all over the city. Apart from Leopold’s Cafe, they have struck at the Victoria Terminus Railway Station, the Taj Hotel, the Hilton, some of the most prominent locations in Mumbai. You feel a shiver run down your back. Another close shave you have had tonight—Marine Drive is a stone’s throw away from these locations. It’s daytime in America and as the news reaches foreign shores, you start getting calls from Chicago, Boston, Seattle where your friends are based. It’s late in the night, but you can’t sleep due to the inherent tension in the air.

The following morning you decide not to go to the office. Admit it or not, you are scared to go out, scared that you might be the next victim of a bullet or a bomb blast. News has come in that some terrorists have stolen a police vehicle and are apparently on the loose in the city, gunning down anyone in their way. The death count has crossed a hundred and several hundreds have been injured. The terrorists have taken hostages at the Taj and the Hilton. They are singling out foreigners, mainly Americans and Britons. There’s a hostage situation at another relatively obscure building called Nariman House, which houses members of an Israeli sect.

The audacity of the attack leaves you puzzled and confused. This time, it’s not the common man on the streets who has been singled out for embracing the jaws of death. This time it’s the rich, the foreign tourist, the head honchos of multinational companies staying at the poshest hotels in town. The message is loud and clear. No one is safe anymore. The pictures of two terrorists taken by a security camera at the station further shock you. These are young men, barely in their 20s, clad in T-shirts, jeans and sneakers. Except for the automatic weapons in their hands, they could easily be mistaken for college students.

More than 30 hours pass since the siege—the terrorists still manage to hold the entire city to ransom. The streets are deserted, you hardly find any vehicles on the roads, the trains ply with a handful of passengers. There is a fear psychosis all around. You never know where and when they will target next. The only place you feel relatively safe is in the confines of your house. There are reports of fresh attacks in various parts of the city. These eventually turn out to be rumors, but by now you don’t know what to believe and what to ignore.

News that the terrorists came in from across the border and that the government ignored intelligence reports about a possible strike has not been taken lightly by the people. The citizens are teeming with anger. They don’t want to follow Gandhian principles any more, they have had enough. You pray that a communal riot does not break out in the city as it did after the ’93 bomb blasts that ripped the city apart.

Another agonizingly painful day goes by; the terrorists still hold out against the elite commandos who have been brought in to handle the situation. Finally, as you watch pictures on TV of the heritage wing of the Taj Hotel up in flames, the beautiful architecture raped by the assault of grenades and bullets, you hear that the Taj has finally been secured. You heave a sigh of relief, but then you hear reports that a few terrorists have managed to slip out of the hotel by pretending to be hostages.

You know the situation is better for the time being, but the hard fact remains that the city is still as unsafe as ever. It’s a cat-and-mouse game you will be playing with death each time you step out of the house. The vehicle you travel in might be blown up any moment; there might be a bomb explosion or firing in the market, the mall, the hospital, any place you might be in at that point of time.

At one point in time, you would have declared without doubt that Mumbai was one of the safest places in the world. Now you know you can’t say that. May the Mumbai I once knew rest in peace. Amen.

This article has got published in a newspaper called Berkeley Daily Planet in San Francisco on 4th December. Thanks to' Lois Lane' for contacting me and asking for an article. Here's the link :-http://www.berkeleydailyplanet.com/issue/2008-12-04/article/31716?headline=Feeling-Lost-in-a-City-Under-Siege

PDF version of the newspaper :- http://www.berkeleydailyplanet.com/pdfs/12-04-08.pdf

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

10...9....8....7....

I am totally ashamed of not blogging for ages... will be back soon...Or lets say as soon as I find my way out of all this maze of confusion. Amen to that!!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Stool Pigeon

They say a bird in hand is worth two in a bush. Bullshit! I do not want a bird anywhere near me, and certainly not in my hands. Don't get me wrong, I love birds, especially when they are cooked properly. Just that I have a problem with pigeons.It will probably go down in history that our man Sritanu was as brave as a tiger, but he did his best to avoid pigeons in all forms,shapes and sizes.

Lest anyone think that I am scared of pigeons, let me put the fact straight. I am not scared. I am terrified, petrified, mortified by them! Especially when they sneak into a room through an open window and then struggle to find their way out,their wings flapping with that scary sound that breaks me into a cold sweat every time I hear it.

Take today morning for example. I wake up to this sound emanating right behind me.One of those blasted birds had come inside the room and was stuck in the curtains.If there was a world record for the longest jump from a supine position, I would have beaten it by miles.Only if this was an event at the Olympics, India would never have to worry about not winning medals at all.
In a split second not only was I wide awake, but standing in the other corner of the room trembling from head to toe.The flutter-flutter of those wings continue in full volume.I arm myself with a broomstick and pick up my bed sheet. A new age gladiator ready to take on the scourge of the aves.

I gingerly try and slide the window open, hoping that the blasted bird will fly away. Mistake! The window opens a bit, but the bird gets released from the curtain and starts flying frantically around the room. I manage to turn the fan off and go and hide in the bathroom.Lets call it a strategic retreat.

Once my heartbeat comes down to normal, I brace myself for the next round.Summoning all the courage I had, I peep into the room. The pigeon has nicely perched on the curtain rod looking very pleased with itself.It looks towards me and smirks. Bastard! I shake my broom towards the bird. It calmly poops on my bed.

This was war now. No holds barred. It would either be the bird or me in this room. I leave the room and go into the kitchen hunting for air rifles,bazookas, missile launchers, hand grenades,anything I can find. No luck! I settle for a steel plate and a spoon. I start hitting the plate hard with the spoon, hoping to scare the pigeon away. The damn thing starts tap dancing to the tune.

I go back to my first choice of weapons. I pick up the broom and mange to open the window a bit further,gingerly keeping a watch out in case the bird tried to attack me. It shifts a bit to tease me, but doesn't fly out. I drop the broom in disgust and just stand silently observing the evil thing. Suddenly it makes a move and flies diagonally across the room, giving me a heart attack in the process. I fall down backwards and watch my life flash in front of my eyes in slow motion.
The bird circles over my head a couple of times and suddenly flies out of the window. I am half dead by then. I stay frozen for sometime in the same position before managing to get up and close the window.I swear I hear some pigeons having a good laugh in the background. Must be my visitor regaling his friends about what happened just now. I ignore them. Maintaining a stiff upper lip is the only way to deal with these beings.

Friday, August 15, 2008

The return of the Jade(d)-i

Joy to the world, my laptop is back! The blasted blue screen of death had put me out of action for quite some time, but thankfully the evil has been vanquished and here I am, more than ready to continue spreading my garbage into blogosphere!

Several thousand bucks lighter in the pocket, but managed to recover all my data thankfully, and save the hard drive! Two important lessons learnt from this :- 1)Always create backups of the data you don't want to lose at any cost 2)You are 26 years old...STOP surfing for random porn on the net you pervert!

Anyways...lappie is back, and I get to wiki and blog as much as I want again. The net connection sux, but at least I am able to browse in fits and starts.They have blocked the Internet at office (death to the @#$%# insensitive louts who came up with that idea) and I was getting withdrawal pangs like crazy when the lappie had gone for repairs. Life is seriously sadder than ever in office now. I mean one of the very few sites that opens now is this. Gimme a break!! Yes..I know I work for a bank...go figure out for yourself how much I love my job :P

Managed to settle my credit card bills at last sometime back. Nearly 90% of the bonus I had received got wiped out at one go. Pinched like hell to see all that money being debited from my bank account, but at least I'm debt free now.The collection agents who were getting ready with their arsenal to come at me have been called back. I swear I heard this tough looking guy mutter 'Baach gaya Saala' as I was crossing the street one day. Too bad guys...better luck next time. Go bash up someone else if you have to! (For those uninitiated with the sorrows of my life... my credit card bills had touched 6 digits...please don't ask me how!)

Shifted to a new place...again! 4th time in the span of an year...and that's not counting the stop gap arrangements at bro's place while I was shifting from one pigeon hole to the other. Methinks I was a gypsy in my past life. I just can't stay put at one place for too long. And just in case you are wondering... I am most probably again shifting in December. :D

Have started travelling by local train full time to and fro office... the horrors of it I shall describe one day, but tis not the time. I bet the Britishers would have fled earlier had they seen the aggression our people display while boarding and unboarding from the local trains in Mumbai! I play it safer. Try and leave for office before the crazy rush starts (even if it means waiting 30 minutes till the first person comes to open the office), and return home by taking a train in the opposite direction and again board from the station where the trains originate. Atleast I get standing space in this way! Life eeej haard as you can guess !

O.k... enough of blaberring for now. Feels good to blog again! :)

Monday, July 21, 2008

The soothsayer's tale

The catastrophe finally happened. The soothsayer knew it was coming, the impending gloom had warned him much ,much before.It's as if the elements just came together for a second and whispered into his ear what would happen.

The cyclone came and struck, leaving him half dead in the process. But at least he was still alive for some more time. He muttered a silent prayer to Kibza, the God of Protection. There was still hope in the face of all opposition. That's what keeps me alive, he thought. Hope. Funny four letter word isn't it ? Even when it seems apparent that nothing can save the situation, there is always this hope to look forward to.

As far as he remembered,he could always predict things in advance. There were always the few instances when he was way off target, but otherwise his sixth sense was far more developed than other people. It was disturbing at times, but he never told anyone what he knew would happen.... It was his gift, it was his curse. And he had no time for fools who would come to him asking for details about the future. He couldn't do that, only sense what was about to happen. And more often than not his doomsday prophesies came true. He lay tossing in bed every night wondering if at times he willed these things to happen by thinking about them, by worrying about them.

The six suns of Chroma were shining more brightly than usual when the cyclone hit. On his planet, cyclones were not an unusual event. But this one was different. The soothsayer had created this particular cyclone from a part of his heart. He didn't care that part of his soul would be torn to create it. The desire to play God was too strong. He had thought that he would get happiness by creating something so powerful, so strong, so magnificent.

When it struck him, he was surprisingly calm and composed. When a part of you tries to destroy you, you don't feel any sadness. Just a bit confused as to why it had to happen. And a pain that refuses to go away.The soothsayer just stood in the middle of the destruction feeling his life ebb away from him.

The gods seemed to mock him from above, taking sadistic pleasure to see a man humbled like this ! The soothsayer smiled to himself. The gods have their own whims and fancies, he thought. The cyclone has taken my life,but I still have some time left. I may lose the battle in the process, but this time I know I did not give up without trying my best.

The soothsayer never really realised what had gone wrong the first time he tried his hand at this thing. But then, intergalactic phenomena were never his strong point. This time with the cyclone he had acted with clockwork precision,fully knowing it would try to destroy him. But it was a mad hope that this time he wouldn't be wrong. This time the gods would be with him. Funny thing is that he still had that hope alive as strongly as ever.

The soothsayer looked up at the sky. There was no trace of the cyclone. Maybe this is what hurt the soothsayer the most.It had just vanished from his life after striking him down,leaving the shards inside to ensure that he bled continuously from time to time. He had exposed too much of his soul to the cyclone, it knew very well that internally the soothsayer was as frail as he appeared strong on the outside. So when it struck, it made sure that even though the physical wounds would heal, the internal ones would keep tormenting the soothsayer till his miserable life ebbed away from the pain.

Some stars sprang to life as the sixth sun completed it's revolution. The soothsayer dropped to the ground as his legs gave way. The shards are reaching the brain he thought. Just a few seconds more. He gathered up all the strength he had remaining and prayed his last prayer to Kibza. As his brain exploded, he smiled as he saw the cyclone glimmering away in the distance.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

The neem poem

Salim bola oh my love, have i done any sin ?
tell me how ur heart i can forever win
Anarkali ne salim ko bola "arre sun zalim!'
mere liye leke aa tu bahut saara neem

bangalore mein baithi hain chosnee neem wali
address hain bhootni villa, neemwaali ki gali
this neem will make me ekdum beauty queen
in this way my idiot prince my heart u can win

Salim went to Bengaluru heart very very happy
but after meeting chosnee he wanted to wear a nappy
for dear miss ratterjee was in a mood very crappy
she told salim to get out in a tone very very snappy

i am stuck in a land so strange where i only get rasam
and you dare come to me because of ur stupid kasam ?
i dont care if anarkali turns into terrible maa kaali
i'm not giving my precious neem for ur gharwaali

salim pleaded and salim cried but chosnee remained mean
didnt salim know that rosh just loooves her neem ?
so give up hope for your stupid aspiring beauty queen
chosnee will leave the Himalayas but she will never leave her neem

The Luvly poem

Now that you have become my bride,
Let me go on a mush overdrive,
Tu begum mein tera jahapana,
Only for you is my gaana :-

Jab bhi mein jaata hoon gym,
Sochta hoon only about Luvlean,
75 laps on the tread mill ,
Thinking abt Luvs who stole my dil,

Koi aur usko dekhey to bana jealousy mein green,
Oh I love you my Luvlean ,
Please don't ever lose your sheen,
My luvly lady of my dreams,

Sun re my Lovely Luvly,
I'm your darling hubby,
You are so very lubly,
I don't need to drink any bubbly,

Just thinking of you gives me a high,
Luvs hain to whiskey kyun piyoon mein bhai ??


Now that you have become my groom,
Thinking of you my dil goes Vrrooom ,
My man Lovaboy so fit and strong,
Just like Tarzan wearing a thong,
Pesh karti hoon mein tere liye yeh song :-

Mere ghar aaya tu as cool as Cokka cola ,
dekhte hi tujhey mera dil bola,
this is my knight in armour shining,
Jis ke liye sadiyo se I was pining,
Oh my sexy Lovaboy,
I wanna make you my play toy,

Karenge eksaath exercise everyday at the gym ,
Cut the carbs,ignore the rice and go for a swim,
Treadmill pein humdono chalengey saath saath,
Log bolenge Luvlean mein hain kuch khaas baat,
Lovaboy jaisa munda, jo pahley tha ek goonda,
Ban gaya Luvs ke pyar mein ekdum goonga

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Rambling in the rain...

I didn't really have a reason to walk to office yesterday in nearly waist high dirty water, but I thought that it would be a crazy thing to do, and I really had'nt been upto any crazy act for a long long time!(Getting drunk and sending rude messages once in a while is not to be counted out here!) Anyways... here's the link in case any of you want to check out what it is like walking down Mumbai's roads when they get flooded.

It's been quite a while since I chose to get drenched on my own accord. Last time, if I remember correctly, was many, many months back near the Gateway of India where I got totally drenched, had some awesome bhutta and actually enjoyed the experience for a change!(getting drenched in the rain I mean... I've nothing against having bhutta. Which reminds me that that was the last time I had bhutta actually!)

I remember the time when I was in class XI,some of us got the idea that we have to celebrate Aishwarya's birthday by having Coke (I am obviously referring to the cold drink out here!) It was raining like crazy, and the mission was tough, but we were determined in our goal. We (four or five morons who were sad enough to be infatuated by Ms Rai at that point of time in our lives) braved our way through water logged streets and mean vehicles determined to splash as much water as possible as they crossed us, survived the impact of millions of bullet like raindrops that never ceased in their velocity and reached a shop selling the drink that the goddess advertised. (Before you get the idea that Coke was a rare commodity in Kolkata and could only be found in a few shops out there , let me add that part of our deal was to walk through the rain in order to prove our devotion! ) The entire journey was worth it just to see the look on the faces of the shopkeeper and general junta around as we took our bottles and started singing Happy Birthday at the top of our voices!

Pune was heaven when it rained. It was magical sitting at the Pagoda on Fergusson Tekdi (a hill at the boundary of my college) watching the rains wash away the grime off the thousands of trees below us and paint them in brilliant shades of green, shivering away to glory as we shared a solitary cigarette and laughing our heads off thinking of the unfortunate ass who lost his foothold on the slippery rocks and went tumbling down some distance! It was sheer delight biking down the roads in Pune when it drizzled slightly. I had this (in)famous flourescent orange wind cheater in college that was bright enough to ensure I could be spotted from nearly two miles away. (which was precisely the reason my parents made me buy the thing ...It was supposed to reflect light in the dark or some shit like that!. To give it credit, it did help scare away any vehicle coming from the opposite side of the road in the middle of the night !

I joined IMA in Jan '04, when winter was just about starting in full fledge in that part of the country. For a second imagine that it's a typical Delhi winter, and the only thing you are wearing is a thin cotton vest, a shirt, a pair of trousers, and one ordinary sweater. O.k... now replace yourself with Gentleman Cadet Sritanu Chakrabarti, D/36335, Jr Coy, Ma Bn, 116 Regular. Since you are not allowed to wear civvies in the army, replace your shirt and trousers with a pair of olive green dungarees. Throw away that sweater, add a cap to your head and wear combat boots. No wollen inners/woolen socks/thick vests allowed. (nearly all of us tried wearing them surreptitiously the first few days... always got caught by the seniors, got rogered first thing in the morning, and then were sent off for the day's training ahead...came back, and again got rogered for messing up in the morning) To make things fun, one person fucking up by breaking rules (in this case by wearing clothing that was not regulation) , meant that the entire first termers in a particular company got rogered. We fell into line within the first few days itself, better brave the cold than face the wrath of the seniors !

Anyways... so there we were in our dungarees, wearing them everywhere as our Olive Green uniforms were yet to be issued. We were issued three- four pairs of dungarees, so that the pair that got drenched due to sweat by the time you returned to your room, could be left to dry/given for a wash , and you would wear another one the following day. Things were going fine until it suddenly started raining in Dehradun one fine day. My first reaction to the rains when I woke up in that particular morning was 'Rainy Day ... no training today!' Then realisation crept in that it did'nt matter whether it was rain or sun....training would continue as same as ever. Only difference would be that the temperture had drastically dropped a few degrees lower. Riding on your bicycle on mountainous terrain (you always move about in IMA in squads of four or six ,either on your bicycle or you march. If you are unlucky enough to be the odd numbered guy after a squad is made, run all the way to wherever you are going. Walking is something you don't dare do unless you are an officer or a third termer!) in that biting cold ,amidst the rain was tough. Your body got so numb, you could hardly feel anything. And at 4.30 A.M in the morning, the combined effect of the mist and the rain meant that you could hardly see where you were going! Come rain, come shine, the GC has to reach on time. Being late means all your coursemates get fucked by the instructor because of you !

It rained incessantly day in ,day out for about a week. By the third day, I was out of dungarees. Two had gone for washing, two pairs were wet. Have you ever tried wearing dripping wet clothes first thing on a winter morning, then gone out in the rain and got drenched for the whole day ? Try repeating this schedule for about four days in a row. Surprisingly, none of us fell sick or anything. By the end of it, we were so toughened up, that we knew that the first step towards becoming a soldier was taken. We were weather immune to some extent at least.It all seems like a dream today as I look in the mirror and see a fat slob staring back at me! (O.K... resolution made yet again to start exercising and get back in shape from tomorrow!)

Well... rambled on quite a bit I guess. :) I'll go back to my pensieve now and revisit IMA for some time. It's funny, that after all these years, the army is still the only thing that I have been ever passionate about from the bottom of my heart! More from me later...till then Jai Hind! :)

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Resume

SRITANU CHAKRABARTI


KEY STRENGTHS

As I want to join your illustrious company,
I’ll state down my plusses in a short symphony,

I’m creative, as you can probably make out,
I’m adaptable (you will never see me pout)
Working in teams comes easily to me,
I have a track record of leadership ability
I maintain my calm even when things go barmy
Discipline is something I learnt during my stint in the Army

Taking initiative is something I do,
Result orientation is a topic never taboo,
An excellent communicator, I also listen when people talk,
As a result of this I build client relationships round the clock


KEY ACHIEVEMENTS

About my achievements, I shall now speak,
Before you think that in the workplace I am weak,
I won this contest at work , I was first amongst my peers,
Over achieved targets that led to celebrations and cheers,
My branch improved it’s rankings pan India from double to single digits
I’ve single handedly organised events for dignitary visits,
Successful at cross selling products that were not in my domain,
I’ve managed to pin point areas that were causing the company pain,
My recommendations have been followed with the results now coming in,
Cost cutting measures I suggested have been keeping the bills thin.

POSTIONS OF RESPONSIBILITY/EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES

Positions Held:


As the Cultural Secretary of the student’s body of Indian Institute of Foreign Trade,
I was responsible for taking it’s inter B School fest – Quo Vadis to international grade,
As the Treasurer, I also maintained all Accounts
And organised National Level Symposiums on two counts

As the 1st year coordinator of IIFT’s marketing club Brandwagon,
I helped my fellow students understand Kotler’s marketing jargon,
In my stint as a member of Fergusson’s Cultural Committee,
Amongst diverse cultural groups I helped spread amity

In school I was the head honcho, known as the Prefect,
I supervised all student activities and organised events perfect

Extracurricular Activities/Awards Won:

Dramatics

Performances at National Level I’ve delivered on stage ,
Winning many prizes right from school to college

Quizzing

Being aware about the world at large is of interest to me,
At both city and at national level competitions, I’ve been on a winning spree

INTERESTS

I love writing stories, and poems are my forte,
In movies and music, I have a taste assorted
Dramatics has always been close to my heart,
I blog regularly and take an interest in Art


LANGUAGES KNOWN
In English, Bengali and Hindi, I am extremely proficient ,
Have a knowledge of Marathi and French, for working just sufficient.







P:S I am actually going to send this Resume to a few recruiters and try my luck!

Is there a dream job where I can sit and write nonsense verse whole day and get paid for it ?? Please get in touch if you do know of something like this. You will go straight to heaven for helping a poor soul out ! :D

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Song for the asking...

As I was growing up, most (if not all) the music I listened to was thanks to the influence of my brother. He was(and still is) a Beatles fanatic. I once chanced upon him listening to Lennon and muttering'that bastard..that bastard' with moist eyes. When you are in Class 4 and you hear your elder brother uttering the B word,you are more than delighted! You ask him innocently whom he is abusing, so that the next moment you can go and snitch to your mom that Dada used the forbidden B word to describe so and so. My brother replies "Mark David Chapman" and goes on casting doubts about the legitimacy of the Chapman family tree. Err..who ? I had learnt about both Mark and David during Bible History lessons at school, but who was this Chapman dude and why was my usually docile brother abusing them with such hatred ? I get the answer after my brother is satisfied that his Lachrymal glands are functioning as effeciently as ever ,and also learn that it was Lennon's death anniversary. I learnt another important lesson that day.If you have doubts about elder brother's sanity, do not voice them out aloud (especially when you are within striking distance! )

Years and years later(I was just about to join college) , I was spending a lonely afternoon in Pune rummaging through my brother's cassettes without fear of being reprimanded... he was safely away in MICA,so there was no way he could see what I was upto and enact Vesuvius erupting in front of me again(I mean ...C'mon..just because I recorded my voice over one his his rare bootlegs does'nt mean that I would try it every time!)

Anyways... I pulled out this cassette at random and started listening to it. I don't know if you have ever heard the voice of God. I mean I haven't either,but you get the general feeling as to how much I was moved. I heard the cassette over and over again. Their lyrics were sheer poetry...the music absolutely divine ! I could totally relate to the songs.It almost seemed as if someone had got into my head and had taken frantic notes as to what emotions I was feeling. I used to sit in class and scribble down the lyrics of the songs non stop. I was obsessed with the duo. I read all about them and bought whatever cassetes were available in the market. I had finally found my Gods. I had discovered Simon & Garfunkel

(to be continued...)

Friday, May 30, 2008

Nightmare comes true :(

Dear All,
We have observed users uploading huge files to web based email sites. (Gmail, Yahoo etc.) This not only consumes Internet bandwidth but is also a source of information leakage. The attachments coming from such mails are also a potential source of malware intrusion into our network.

In view of the above the Information Security Committee of the company has taken a decision to completely block access to all Internet based email sites. (Pls. note you will continue to receive & send mails to yahoo, hotmail, gmail etc. from your official email id)

Access to all Internet based email sites will be blocked on 5th June 2008.

Thanks & Regards
IT Services



Boohooohooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo :((
How will I entertain myself in office from now on ?? ....methinks I need to move on to a new job soon in protest !!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Smells Like Teen Patti

Seedy bar mein teen patti
Bujh gaya dimag ki batti
Jab se mili hain usko aapni 'Wish'
Aadmi ban gaya yeh spineless fish

Innara ... aai aai o ....Innara
Innara ... aai aai o ....Innara

No more hiding during auto fights
No more prancing around in tights
Zindagi ban gaya hain disco
Hindi gaana aab pasand hain isko

Innara ... aai aai o ....Innara
Innara ... aai aai o ....Innara

Monday, May 19, 2008

For the benefit of a select few who know what this is about !

In all matters legal she was the queen, be careful or she would sue
Enamored by her talents(in and out of office), our hero decided to woo
You are the idli, I am the dosa, our love a tangy sambaar
Oh my Mallu, let me be your pallu, shuru kartein hain aapna sansaar

In our courtship you can call me your lordship, yes you certainly can
I feel so regal, when you speak legal, I am your kinky Tam Bram
For you I'll listen to Hip Hop, I'll even sing songs in Hindi
I am ready to go dancing all night, oh my sweet bhindi

Do you see what I see.. I see eye see eye
Naino se naina mil gaya jab, why you feeling shy?
Come my baby lets play flash, we'll together swindle in glee
I am so glad from You and I, ban gaye hum log We

She now calls him honey, she calls him darling , she can't get him out of her head
He likes the attention he is getting but just goes on wishing for a sturdier bed,
She was like a cool breeze in summer,with her around you didnt need a fan
He was the crafty devil himself, wanted her to click pics of him in his Jockey Pocoman

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Unicorn's Tale

Dabboo was really happy today…it was his quadrentryrt today …and at last he was an adutryrt!...he looked at his reflection in the pool … another few tryrtyrt years and he would be a fully grown unicorn . He couldn’t stop admiring his horn in the reflection ..it had grown to it’s full size …the real sign of an adutryrt!. His mother came up to him and wished him a Happy Quadrentryrt! “But you must behave like a grown up now, Dabboo”,she said . “No more trying to wander off into the Forbidden Forest all by yourself!” Dabboo smiled to himself . He had always been fascinated by the Forbidden Forest ever since he was a mere yountrytrt of an unicorn ! …he had tried to slip in a few times before , but had always been caught by the keepers. But now things were different ..an adutryrt ,with the help of his horn had the ability to turn invisible at will, albeit for a short time ! Dabboo decided to celebrate his quadrentryrt by exploring the Forbidden Forest !! ..he would slip in pass the keepers by turning invisible..…after all what could be there that everyone avoided it ??...he had asked the elders but had only been told not to meddle his horn into grown up affairs !! But he was a grown up now..technically at least!! He was still to pass his Qwetyrt to be considered an adutryrt …it consisted of several tasks he had to complete before the elders were satisfied that Daboo was mature enough to be declared an Qwetyrt Adutryrt. And as his mother kept on reminding Dabboo, wanting to venture into the Forbidden Forest would certainly not please the elders !! Dabboo promised himself that this would be the first and last time in the Forbidden Forest. After this he would settle down as a responsible adutrytrt and be a model unicorn! Dabboo concentrated hard on the tip of his horn and wished to be invisible . It was the first time he was doing it and it took some time . Then he felt a warm sensation all over . He looked at his reflection in the pool …the blue sky stared back at him . “I’ve done it ..I am invisible!!”,thought Dabboo ! He was through the keepers and into the Forbidden Forest in an instant . Suddenly the warm sensation ebbed away . Dabboo realized that he was visible once again . He broke into a trot as he realized he was finally in the Forbidden Forest !! .He looked around but could’nt make out any difference out here compared to the Forest he lived in . Trust the elders to make a big deal about the Forbidden Forest !! Suddenly he heard a loud noise . He turned around instantly towards the source of the sound . Dabboo couldn’t believe what he saw …but how was it possible ?? … he had read about these creatures in his mythology books ...and off course everyone knew they didn’t exist !! . Dabboo poked himself with his horn to see if he was dreaming . But the creature was still there ..in all it’s ugliness ! Dabboo moved towards the creature when it suddenly gave out another loud noise and went further inside the forest emitting noises as it went ! . Suddenly Dabboo heard someone coming his way . Expecting to see the creature again Dabbo turned behind , only to see his father coming up with a most unpleasant look . His father bellowed in anger “How dare you come into the Forbidden Forest…and that too that you are an adutryrt now??”Dabboo was so scared that he meekly followed his father out of the Forbidden Forest , forgetting to tell all about the creature he saw . And seeing the temper his father was in , Dabboo decided to keep shut ! His father would be the last person to believe about the creature he saw in the Forest ! Dabboo went back home and had to swear that he would never go inside the Forbidden Forest again ! . Later when things had cooled down Dabboo told his mother “You won’t believe what I saw in the Forbidden Forest today..it was a…”he whispered the name of the creature lest his father overheard him speaking about such things . Dabboo’s mother laughed and told him “Don’t be silly Dabboo …grow up !!..there are no such things as Humans”

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The Perfect Man

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away there lived the perfect girl, or at least that’s what she thought she was. And it was obvious that she wouldn’t settle for anything less than the perfect man wasn’t it? So she went on spurning suitors, who were numerous …it was natural I guess...Some were attracted by her looks, some by her wit, and some by the size of her father’s bank account. While her best friends got married and pregnant, though not necessarily in the same order, she waited patiently for her perfect man to come. And then she met him. Like in all good old love stories, she hated the sight of him at first. Then as she got to know him better she found out that he wasn’t a bad sort at all .In fact to her surprise she found that she quite liked spending time with him. As time went on she began to ask herself whether he was the man she was waiting for. She began to look out for any faults he might have …she had to be careful …she wouldn’t settle for anything less than a perfect man , and she was willing to wait for some more time if she had to. But her fears went unproved and after a few weeks she was sure that he was as perfect as a man could get. Now she was convinced that he was the perfect man she had been looking for all her life, she decided to broach the topic of love by casually asking him whether he wanted to remain single all his life. He smiled, looked straight into her eyes and replied “Well... I’m still looking for the perfect man”

(Written on 22/11/2002…Mumbai)

The Meeting

I woke up thinking about her . Again . The same thing had been happening daily for over the past one month now . Maybe it is natural , maybe it’s not , I don’t know . I guess everyone feels the same way I did, sometime or the other in their lives .
As I dressed, I looked at her picture stuck by the mirror . I smiled at it . I knew I would be meeting her today --Our first meeting . She herself hadn’t actually agreed to meet me or anything , but today I was determined to meet her . No more watching her from behind the bushes or waiting outside her apartment to catch a glimpse of her . She was going to her farmhouse today and I would meet her there .
I may be a total stranger to her , but she is not to me. God ! , to what lengths I have gone to know about her . For the past one month I had been running from place to place finding out what she liked , what she didn’t , where she liked to go , which was her favourite food , which perfume she likes wearing , who were her friends , who were not …Shit ..and God knows what not ! .
I left the house after some time and drove to her farm house , listening to “Love Story” as I went … It was her favourite track . On reaching my destination I was pleased to see that her car was parked by the house . Good ! This meant that she had already arrived . I parked my car next to hers .
I waited in the car till she came out of the house and proceeded towards her car . I got out of the car and stood in front of her . She seemed surprised to see me . I smiled at her , then I took out my gun and shot her through her eyes . As she fell to the ground in a pool of blood I spoke into my cell phone “The mark has been eliminated …. arrange for payments”

Recognition

It was a cold and dark night . The streets were empty except for the one or two dogs howling at each other . The chilly wind knocked at the closed windows and doors sounding like a policeman on his beat . A man stepped out of the door of the building next to which I was standing . sensing a possible prey I followed the man as he started walking towards the main road .
It was dreadfully cold and I saw the man tighten his jacket and shiver as he fumbled in his pocket for a match to light the cigarette he had just taken out . I saw my opportunity and in a flash I was beside him . I held out my lighter towards him . He was at first surprised but then he lighted his cigarette , thanked me and asked “haven’t I seen you somewhere ?” . I smiled . Ever since my picture had come out in the papers I was getting recognized all over town . I moved out of the shade so that he could see me better . The man’s face changed . The cigarette dropped from his hand and he screamed aloud in fright . I took a ;last look at him as he fell to the ground and fainted .
As I moved away I glanced at the place where my forehead was . I sighed . Ever since the mugger had blown my brains off , I wasn’t the same handsome man I used to be .


Written in the English Language period in School...Class XI)

The Approach of Death

As Yukon III gained consciousness , he felt a searing pain in the abdominal region . He realized that the effect of the toxic gas was still lingering in the room .
Turning around he saw that his father had been crushed to death . Zeka VI was lying in front of him , most probably dead . Yukon III felt like crying . He couldn’t understand why the humans were so hell bent on their destruction . For generations the humans had been killing their tribe and most probably would continue doing so till either of them were completely wiped out .
Yukon III tried to move out of the room but couldn’t . The pain increased as he tried to move . Last month his mother had been killed , and now his father too was dead . “The humans are becoming more and more aggressive each day “ , he observed . Previously the attacks were few , once in a month or two , but now they were attacked nearly every week . Yukon III was feeling dizzy now . His sight was steadily diminishing , but he managed to observe that two humans had entered the room .
he tried to escape , but the humans were faster . Yukon III was crushed to death , like his father had bee , a short while ago . As life ebbed out of him Yukon III heard one of the humans say “ Bloody disgusting creatures ! … never liked on of ‘em roaches” .

(Written in class XI during the Math period in school ,13/XI/99)

Unnamed -11th March,2007

He had harbored a crush on her as long as he could think. She was the embodiment of everything he wanted in a girl. To him she was perfect in every manner possible. She was a free spirit; her zest for life excited him and left him breathless at the same time. Once when he has gone out with some common friends, someone had remarked that her partner would have trouble keeping up with her limitless enthusiasm. He had secretly made a silent prayer that someday he would be the one who would be with her. He knew it was futile to tell her directly that he liked her. A girl like that deserved the best, and he knew too well that she wouldn’t even give him a second glance. He tried telling himself that he was just being plain silly to even think of the girl .It didn’t work. As much as he tried, he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about her in the middle of the night. After getting drunk it was she whom he thought of first. And he was sad that he could never be with her.

The spaceship moved towards the star slowly but steadily. The crew was experienced and frankly so used to the procedure by now that they could have carried out the landing blindfolded. AlphaXIX was the best ship the Mersinontuans had built and could be relied upon to function even in the face of a nuclear attack. The crew was selected from the best in the Sunova galaxy and had undergone rigorous training for nearly five years before they were cleared for the mission. Their task was simple. To land on the star and come back with enough Ewenfullium to power the galaxy for a million more years. After all the entire star was totally made of Ewenfullium , and even a few pounds of the substance was more than enough of what they needed. The difficult part was that no ship had ever been able to go near the star without being reduced to ash. The Mersinontuans had toiled for seven long years before they could come up with a plan as to how they should build a ship that could withstand landing on the star and coming back safely with the Ewenfullium. Building the ship and testing it in laboratory conditions had taken 15 more years. After all, the few fragments of Ewenfullium that broke out of the orbit of the star and could be obtained by the Mersinontuans were few and far between, and replicating the destructive force of the star in a laboratory was tough even for the advanced science of the Mersinontuans. Millions of years of studying the galaxy seemed so futile when they were faced with the scarcity of Ewenfullium. Nothing seemed to work. And that’s when the Mersinontuans managed to create Asqauredm and Esquarev

He was falling for her with each passing day. He kept hoping he would meet her even if for a brief period of time. The smile on her face warmed him up instantly. He had never felt more at peace with himself than when he was with her. He dreaded letting her know in any way. She was a good friend, and he didn’t want to lose that in any way. He hoped to secretly keep on loving her and fade away when she was gone. At times he humored himself with the thought that they were together. Then he would come to his senses and berate himself for his pipe dreams.

The Mersinontuans created Asqauredm and Esquarev out of particles of Ewenfullium after years of research. The tests in the laboratory impressed even the most cynical of the Mersinontuan scientists. They were the only things apart from AlphaXIX that seemed to resist the destructive force of the Ewenfullium. The entire galaxy held their breath when the crew got into AlphaXIX for the first time and were subject to the force of the Ewenfullium in the laboratory. When they came out unscathed, the Mersinontuans realized that hey had perhaps saved the galaxy from extinction. Their own sun had died thousands of years back, and it was only through Ewenfullium that they could hope to energise the life on the galaxy. And Asqauredm and Esquarev were the perfect tools to dig the surface of the star and come back with the vital mineral that would save Sunova from extinction.

He went out on a trip with a group of friends one day. He was tremendously busy, but the fact that she was coming along seemed to make everything else meaningless. He wanted to be with her, talk to her, walk with her, breathe the same air as she was breathing. He was so much in love with her. The twinkle in her eyes when she laughed at his jokes made his life worthwhile. He loved her.

The commander of AlphaXIX opened the hatch as they moved in position over the star. Asqauredm and Esquarev were gently placed in the cosmobasket and pushed out towards the star. As they slowly made their descent, the crew crossed their fingers and hoped that the mission would be successful. Everything seemed to be proceeding peacefully till the time the cosmobasket entered the atmosphere of the star. Suddenly there was a blinding flash and the entire star became blue. The force of the explosion immediately reduced AlphaXIX and its crew to ash.

He woke up to see she was laying next to him. He had never seen her looking more beautiful. The blue morning light made her look more angelic than ever. He bent over and kissed her gently on the lips. She opened her eyes and smiled at him. A2 dm looked straight into her eyes and said “Eve, I never had the guts to tell you before, but I love you” E2v put her head on his shoulder and replied “I love you too Adam”

Friday, April 04, 2008

the scent

"Then I fall to my knees
I grow weak, I go slack
As if she captured the breath of my
Voice in a bottle
And I cant catch it back"
-She Moves On, Paul Simon

The whiff of the perfume handed by the sales executive at the swanky mall takes me back several years. I don't need to see the name of the brand. It's etched in my mind. Just like the smell was for a good number of years. My knees start trembling. I politely tell her I will come back later and walk out for a good lungful of smoke. I need it badly. The nicotine spreading through my veins gradually pacifies the tornado in my head.

Long after the bottle was over, I used to smell the cap just to hold on to those memories. Venus was close to the Earth that time I remember. Just one of those random things that comes back to mind all of a sudden. I can suddenly smell the gun powder and hear the staccato of a machine gun burst in the background somewhere once more.

I smile to myself as I sit in the cab that will take me home. The sudden surge of emotions vanished as quickly as they had emerged. I will never forget the name of the brand ever. Was very apt for what I had experienced then. Those were different times, I was a different person.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Heights of Desperation !

Pant taa khule haathey elo likhtey giye kobita
Bishon-i shaala demanding, aamar-ei hobby taa
Tobou cheshta chaliye jaachi only one thing bhebhey
Kono maagi impressed hoye lagatey aamai debey !


(Translated below just for the sake of translation ! )

The pants they come undone in the effort to write verse
It's really demanding this hobby of mine perverse
Still I carry on with the thought that my efforts will get paid
Some hot chick will get impressed and I will get laid !

An ode to Chosnee - By Jhontu Das, B.Com (IInd division), Bardhaman

oh chosneeee my laaabhly lil brat
i hope u have killed that pesky rat
warna let me come carrying my gun
i bheel hunt it for you oh my sanaam

i bheel put my life in danger, tere liye
aaab to maan jaa ... kor mujhse biye
from bardhaman i will take a local train
I hope my efforts bheel not go in vain

Bhen you come wearing that red sari
Over you para-r chokras will start maramari
I bheel become tornado and save you fom them
Shotti bolcchi Chosnee... this is called Prem !

You call me "O Go shuncho", I will call you "Tumi"
When bheel you marry me, just sei din gulo guni
You are my shorshe... i will be your ilish maach
I will be your song... you will be my baliye naach

amar shundori Chosnee....I am making propose
I dont habh any money, warna bhejta ek lal rose
Kiney debo lal chiruni,fitey and lipisteek tokey
Please maan jaa chosnee... marriage ke liye say O.k !!


(with due apologies to non bongs... in all modesty, the effect is lost in translation :P )

Monday, March 17, 2008

of plagiarism...

Well...well...well.. I was just going through some blogs and I came across one written by a friend of mine. I read one of her posts and immediately this thing popped into my mind 'Libertas et natale solum ' ,which roughly translated from Latin (for the benefit of those poor souls who have been bereft of a Classical education) means 'Fine words! I wonder where you stole them!' I didn't actually have to wonder that much...one of my own posts had been lifted (or should I say copy pasted) ,one word replaced...and Voila ..I have been plagiarised!! I am quite kicked about it, to tell the truth !! I mean someone actually liked the bullshit I wrote and used it to convey how they felt about a particular thing. :)

Funny...my depression ebbed away for sometime as I was writing this. Maybe I should just blog regularly,no matter what rubbish emanates from my mind and see if I feel better. I better get about doing something constructive in life before I can think of adding my nameto this list !

Saturday, January 19, 2008

One flew over the cuckoo's nest !!

Disorder

Rating
Paranoid Disorder:Very High
Schizoid Disorder:High
Schizotypal Disorder:Very High
Antisocial Disorder:High
Borderline Disorder:Very High
Histrionic Disorder:Moderate
Narcissistic Disorder:High
Avoidant Disorder:High
Dependent Disorder:High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:Moderate

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --
-- Personality Disorders --

O.k ppl.... heres something that I (and most of my friends) had been suspecting all along !! ... is it high time I went to my shrink ?? It feels so cool to be crazy :))